Last Words

Roundhouse Writing Group 6-4-18, prompt “Write about questions you have for the universe.”

“I love you so much, sweetie. You have your whole life ahead of you; years and decades of life to live. I wish I had wise words to share with you and offer you guidance, wisdom and comfort. But I don’t feel I do. All I have are little tidbits I’ve learned the hard way.

“The most important thing I want after I’m gone is for you to remember me as loving you. That’s from a hymn you know.

All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.

“And as Shakespeare said,

To thine own self be true … and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.

“If you are true to yourself your life will open up before you in ways you can’t even imagine. That is the road to peace and comfort.

“But it’s hard. It’s hard NOT to do what people want or expect of you because you don’t want to disappoint them or create a separation between you and the other. But you must, you MUST follow¬† your heart where it leads you. This is how God breathes you, how love expresses itself.

“But it can also be hard to know what it means to follow your heart. You have to be quiet to even hear your heart. You have to notice little tugs where your curiosity leads you. You have to be brave to do this because others may not like where you seem to be going. They may be afraid. You may be afraid! But you got … you gotta do it. They don’t teach in school how to follow your heart, you’ve got to learn that on your own. And your way will be unique to you. Each of us has our own way.

“And don’t be afraid of making mistakes. They’re some of the best teachers — although they can be painful. Think of your life as weaving a tapestry and the mistakes are simply different colored threads that give your tapestry color and depth. And usually each mistake has a gift in it. ”

Nana stopped for a moment and rested her head back on her pillow. I offered her a sip of water which she took, spilling a few drops on her chin.

Her eyes closed. “You’re going to be fine,” she said. “You’re a big soul. Just like it says in the Desiderata,

You’re a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars. You have a right to be here. … And whether or not it is clear to you, no double, the universes is unfolding as it should.

And I’m going to be fine too. This passing is sweet to me. It’s like resting back into the arms of my Beloved. So sweet.”

She sighed and smiled. “Ok, those are my last words for now.”

I squeezed her hand and said, “Thank you, Nana. I love you too. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Maybe,” she whispered.