Roundhouse Writing Group

4-8-18, Prompt: It wasn’t exactly dark …

It wasn’t exactly dark and it wasn’t exactly time but she still decided to do it. She had waited until she was sure she wanted to go through with it. But once she decided, she was ready to make it happen.

The official fasting didn’t start until it was completely dark, but it would be dark in an hour and that was close enough for her. She wasn’t hungry anyway. She was actually a bit excited.

She knew that stopping eating and drinking was the way most people died. But she was doing it as a conscious choice. She knew she might have some hunger pains the first three days after beginning the fast, but after that she knew from the research she’d done that the desire for food naturally went away.

She didn’t know how long she would need from start to finish. Her disease hadn’t progressed to the point where she was debilitated from it. In other people’s eyes she was sure she appeared healthy. But she knew she was being eaten from the inside out.

She had taken care of everything, made all the arrangements, said all the things that needed to be said to friends and family. There wasn’t anything left undone in the exterior world.

And it was the interior world where she wanted to devote this last bit of time. She thought maybe she would need four to six weeks. She was happy she had found an ashram that would take her in. She had paid in advance for a three-month residence just in case things took longer than she expected. She enjoyed the thrice-daily devotional chanting at the ashram. She could hear the chanting easily from her room and she felt it would ultimately help carry her away.

It was fully dark now, she was settled in her room and the evening chanting had just ended. Although she had researched it fairly well, she couldn’t find many examples of meditations for leaving, shedding, or stepping out of the physical body. She figured she would start with what she found and then use her intuition to take her the rest of the way home. She decided she would start with breathing practices that incorporated the earth energy and then move into practices that were focused more on cosmic energies or awareness. From there she thought it would be a quick side step to be free of her body.

After practicing for several days she felt things were progressing well. She had no struggle with giving up food and had drastically cut down on drinking as well. She decided to practice her breathing meditations while the devotional chanting was occurring in the temple.

One of the meditations she had researched suggested using the imagination to create a sanctuary space and invite a high spiritual being into that space. The idea was that you would start to feel more and more connected to them and then this way if one became lost during the deathing process, that easy already-established connection would act as a beacon into the higher realms.

She had created the sanctuary space and increasingly spent time there. Others could discount it as simply imagination, but she saw the effectiveness of it so she used it. She went to sanctuary as if it were a physical place she was visiting.

Once she was settled in sanctuary she looked at the couch in the sunken living room and said, “Hi, Jesus.”

“Hey,” he said and smiled at her. “What’s it going to be today? Visiting other planets? Discussing history from a higher perspective? Or do you just want to sit in silence in the field of love? That’s always fun.”

She laughed at him. She’d been delighted to find that Jesus was a very down-to-earth likeable fellow and not at all high and mighty. “Today, for now, I want to be enfolded in love.” She felt a weight on her shoulders and looked down to see she was wearing a cloak and indeed she did feel enfolded in love. She sat back against the couch and rested her head back. She tucked the clock in tight against her legs and feet.

“I think I’m ready to go now,” she said.

Jesus smiled and said, “That’s fine. Whenever you’re ready is fine. There’s no right or wrong way, you know.” He paused. “There are some people I’d like you to meet if you’re sure you want to go.”

She shook her head yes and reached her hand out for him. “Let’s go,” she said.

He held her hand and lifted her up from the couch. She turned and could still see her body curled up on the couch enfolded in the cloak. “That’s funny,” she said. “It looks like I’m over there, yet here I am!”

Jesus laughed. “I know!” he said. “It looks like you’re dead!!!”